God of the reverse part 3

Okay, now we are getting close to the present so I am a bit conflicted about how much detail to put in.  The topic is how God changes our circumstances or our understanding of them to show us who He is.  Otherwise, it might be considered turning points, and how God is part of them.

Nearly a decade ago, when my youngest was 4, I was feeling unsettled.  Sure the world was in turmoil, but this was on a personal level.  I chanced upon a small book, the Prayer of Jabez, that a friend had sent me.  I liked the concept of praying for expanded ministry opportunities and prayed the prayer for a while myself.  The only problem was that the book had suggested that someone in my position might find their house suddenly flooded with neighborhood kids needing ministry.  In my case, I found myself in the ER with one heck of a panic attack, at least as I see it now.  Instead of having a new minstry, I was booted into a position of weakness, where I had a lot to deal with and little strength to do so.  It was, at best, confusing.  I was learning I had to slow down and pay close attention to the needs of my body and mind.  It sure seemed to have little to do with ministry that I could see.

A couple of years later, we decided to go to the Christian camp with our kids, that I had attended as a child.  Our church was in the middle of several rapid turnovers in pastoral leadership, which may have played into this, but I discovered when the teaching began that I was like a dry sponge.  I needed the word and could not even recall how I became so dry.  Somehow, just being there changed things for me.  I felt as if God was speaking to me for the first time in a long time.  And it was so wonderful to have a prayer group to pray for my needs.  All I asked for was prayer over my desire to pull my oldest out of public school for a year.  He wanted it, I wanted it, but I wasn’t sure about my husband.  Thanks to the prayers, he agreed to the experiment as well.

I had also made another commitment to go and do whatever the Lord wanted me to do.  So, in a couple of months I was teaching school, which is pretty time consuming and labor intensive, even with only one student.  A couple of months after that, someone new entered my life who seemed able to see through me and potentially expose me.  As what, I am not sure, but the experience seemed unsettling and perhaps dangerous, to the point that I was giving God a lot of  “what are you doing?!” messages.  God, of course seemed not to be interested in rescuing me at the time.  Two months after that, my mother had a stroke and I found myself in one of those sandwich caregiver roles.  Of course in the process there were a lot of family discussions, and pretty soon it seemed as if everyone was mad at me.  That included my best friend also, who I tried to talk to about things at an inopportune time.

This pressure cooker came to a head by the end of school.  Soon after I headed back to camp hoping to have it out with God or something.  I had figured out that He was the only one I could really talk to about all of it.  I finally got my chance in the prayer chapel and God’s answer was, “will you trust me?”  That sure wasn’t what I expected, but I agreed to try with His help.  So I went home determined to trust Him and ordered a book that had been recommended.

Now to make a long story short, the book led me into an amazing time of inner healing.  Why did I never know that God did this?  I don’t know, perhaps He was simply waiting for the right time.  At any rate, it again reversed some misconceptions I had about God.  As a result, I have learned to ask for His perspective on things.  In a small way, when I get it, there is often a reversal of some long-held belief.  That, I believe is what transformation is all about.


About ansaphil

I am the fourth of five children, born and raised in Bakersfield. I am an at home mom of two teenagers. I attended the local junior college and worked my way through my last two years at USC. But that was some time ago and I do not think writing ability has much to do with where one attended school. I was never sure what to be when I grew up. But I always loved books and music. Several years ago I found myself writing more and more in my journals. It was almost as though I was processing life through my writing. Eventually it occurred to me that perhaps I might have something to say publicly, and not just in my journals. I hope my unique perspective on things will be a blessing to all.
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