I am reading a book about how God speaks to us and whether we are listening, or perhaps how to enhance our ability to listen. One section had some personal stories and I thought, I have some of those. I suspect he is speaking even to those who claim they never hear from Him. I hope my story here and others I may put in later, will help you listen for His voice.
It was my second year in Junior College and I was very depressed. My stated reason for being depressed was that I felt like a failure as a woman because I could not find a boyfriend. I couldn’t even get a date. But in the background, there was a lot more. My father was dying. We all knew it, but the family motto was life goes on, so we didn’t talk about it much. It affected my younger sister and me the most, since we were still at home. It wasn’t so bad that he was dying, since he had been in declining health for some years. But there was the nagging worry about how we would get along after he was gone. Mom took care of all 5 of us and Dad, so she had no current work experience. I’m not sure I knew at the time, but his retirement was set to pay out in a lump sum, which must have had my mom concerned. It would have been easier to plan, if there would have been some reliable amount coming in.
Now I had a lousy job, given to me by my older brother. It involved cleaning a small business after hours. It was really not my cup of tea, to put it mildly, but it gave me some money for gas and lunches. I recall one time going over there, I think on a weekend because for once I don’t think it was dark outside. I was doing what had to be done and feeling exhausted and depressed. I hadn’t been sleeping well due to the depression. So I was talking to the Lord about how I felt as I worked but I got to the point where I felt I just didn’t have the strength to go on. I didn’t know how to deal with any of it and I was so tired, I had even laid on the floor for a while but could not sleep, so I got back up.
I finally said, “Lord, why don’t you just take me home?” And the answer came back in my head, quite clearly, “I’m not finished with you yet.” It was exactly what I needed in that moment. I finished my work and went home. It was so small, but it was enough hope that I could pick up my feet and keep walking. Nothing about my situation was fixed and yet, just knowing that God had more in store for me was an invaluable help in the coming months. God is good.